


♥ Lavender & Ruby ♥

by captainisabela



Series: ♥Lillies of the Valley & Emeralds♥ [2]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Light Angst, Multi, Platonic Soulmates, Recreational Drug Use, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, for now bc sh is a Baby, hakyeon holds all of chasangwoon's (?) braincells, i think thats it but if i forget smt let me know hdkfdk, might get a bit heavy might not idk yet but ill tag if it does, no abuse of it or anything just normal stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2019-06-24 06:02:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15624171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainisabela/pseuds/captainisabela
Summary: Taekwoon has found his first soulmate and god is he happy. Now the strings on his fingers connect him to his second, and the struggle begins again.





	1. A Monster Exploded in your Heart

**Author's Note:**

> hello everyone im back !!!! i hope you all like this one as much as the first im !! really excited to continue with this n im rly thankful for everyone reading !!! ♥♥♥

“America has really changed you.” Her tone was proud yet disappointed, an odd description but that’s what it was, and there’s nothing else it could be. Hakyeon has stepped off the plane quite westernised, had called out to his mother in English and forgotten to call his sister _unnie_. But he had also grown more mature while he was away, had gotten good marks in school while holding down a stable job, bought his own car and lived well without help from his family. And he had brought along his own soulmate, whom was trailing behind Hakyeon.

It was an odd position for Taekwoon— he was very nervous. He hasn’t visited Korea in a while, and never without the rest of his family. Now he’s here, in a semi-familiar country with new people (whom happened to be his _soulmates family_ ) and he’s going to be staying in a new person’s house. It was as if his parents were going to send him to boarding school like they had threatened to when he was young. He grips Hakyeon’s hand tightly, but Hakyeon’s mother pulls him into a crushing hug anyways, pats him on the head and kisses his cheek, looks over his body and says how she’s going to fatten him up over break. Hakyeon’s sister dumps his niece into his arms and takes their bags, talking animatedly, and the sudden level of trust and security felt just in those small moments are overwhelming.

As much as Hakyeon had told him there was no need to be scared of them, Taekwoon was still very much afraid. His mother had talked and talked during the car ride about how they were going to invite everyone over once they got home and Taekwoon had internally cringed when Hakyeon had gently interrupted her and told her they were tired and were going to take a nap when they got home. He was very sure Hakyeon was going to end up smacked and yelled at for disrespect, but his mother had understood and apologised, and when they got home, they squished into Hakyeon’s old and tiny bed, and slept for an hour and a half.

When Taekwoon had woken up, Hakyeon was missing (he had gotten used to waking up next to him - Hakyeon spends the weekends with him, now.) and he panicked a little, Hakyeon was the only sense of familiarity, a security blanket, and he felt exposed now that his warmth is missing. It’s quiet, just the fan in the corner of his room running, and Taekwoon is a little afraid to move. So he blinks tiredly in bed, trying to work up the courage to get up and step outside, but he soon hears footsteps approaching, and he hopes to god that it’s Hakyeon. The door opens and Hakyeon pokes his head through, and smiles when he sees Taekwoon, because a sleepy Taekwoon is always endearing.

“Hey sleepyhead,” he says quietly, padding in and shutting the door softly. He crawls onto the bed next to Taekwoon and brings Taekwoon’s head to his chest. He pets his head, and Taekwoon relaxes into him with a sigh, warm now that his security blanket is back and wrapped around him. Hakyeon leans back a little bit to look down at Taekwoon and brush his bangs away from his forehead. Taekwoon sighs again, and wiggles further into Hakyeon. “The family’s starting to come by,” Taekwoon frowns, and Hakyeon senses it. “We don’t have to go out yet, if you aren’t ready. But I promise they’re really nice.”

And so they stay for fifteen minutes, just so Taekwoon can prepare himself, and then they go down to where Hakyeon’s entire extended family is. Taekwoon is shy, afraid at first, as he usually is. The house was bustling; children ran around and adults ate and chatted, music played loud and it was a wonder that Taekwoon didn’t wake up from the commotion. But as the night went on, Taekwoon slowly got the tiniest more comfortable. Everyone cheered as they came down the stairs, and it was odd to have people be excited for him like this. Taekwoon only knew strangers clapping politely at his piano recitals when he was young.

Hakyeon’s family seemed to have no boundaries, Taekwoon had gotten bombarded with hugs and kisses and “welcome to the family”s the moment they had stepped off of the stairs and it was all very surreal. Taekwoon doesn’t remember the last time he has been hugged by a family member. It’s a little sad; He doesn’t even think he’s been kissed on the cheek before. But they had all succeeded in making him feel welcome, even if a bit uncomfortable (he really just wasn’t used to a loud familial environment like this — Hakyeon said he would have to, now). Everyone seemed happy to see him, they were affectionate and kind with no ulterior motives. It was pure and happy and Taekwoon found himself smiling and laughing at Hakyeon’s side throughout the night. He wasn’t very surprised about it, not after knowing how quickly Hakyeon cracked his shell, that perhaps his family would be this way. After he ended up roughhousing with Hakyeon’s other sister and his brother, after his mother brought him in the kitchen to be the first one to taste the desert, after Hakyeon’s nephew sat him down to do his makeup, and after his aunt shared all of Hakyeon’s embarrassing moments, Taekwoon understood why Hakyeon loved his family so much. Why he wanted to bring Taekwoon with him, after experiencing the horrific image that is his family. Taekwoon went to bed feeling overwhelmed with love, had so much fun and had so much good food that he passed out before Hakyeon did, even though he napped longer.

The rest of Christmas break went similarly— Hakyeon’s family all seemed to live rather close to each other and faces became familiar as more people popped in and out. Hakyeon showed him through the city, because Taekwoon had told him long ago that he had never been. It was cute and domestic, Hakyeon had stars in his eyes whenever he pointed out a restaurant he loved as a kid or pointed out one of his old schools. The romantic deep in Taekwoon’s heart was living, swollen with the love caused by Hakyeon sharing such an intimate part of himself. It might not be viewed this way to some, but Taekwoon was naturally a private person and when he showed Hakyeon his family over thanksgiving, it was very difficult for him, and entrusting this piece of him to Hakyeon meant much more than Taekwoon could say and anyone could comprehend. And to have the same thing be giving to him, an equal exchange, meant double as much to Taekwoon. 

He doesn’t think he’s ever been this happy in a family setting before. Taekwoon had received more hugs and kisses during this trip than he has in his entire life, and even though it was unfamiliar, and even a little uncomfortable (but when is he not, really), Taekwoon got on the plane back to America feeling thoroughly loved. Hakyeon was very right when he said that this trip would help him learn what familial love felt like; his family is the most loving and supportive one he’s ever seen. It’s just… refreshing and joyful and Taekwoon’s cheeks were always sore from smiling and laughing so much and _god_ , he’s so fucking thankful for Hakyeon. He’s really done so much.

***

Friday nights are hangout nights. At this point, Taekwoon and Hakyeon have fully integrated themselves in each other's friend groups, though they were halfway there already. Taekwoon was a bit amazed at how many of their friends were friends, everyone seemed to know everyone, and he supposes that further proves how fit him and Hakyeon are for each other. And Taekwoon was very glad, because if he didn’t already know someone, he has at least heard of them and he wasn’t severely uncomfortable hanging out with them. In fact, he got along with everyone rather well and of course Hakyeon did, because he’s incredibly easy to get along with. Taekwoon felt happy and secure like this, felt as if his family was now complete, and thinking about it made him warm and gooey.

Not much really happens, most of the afternoon is spent playing Dungeons and Dragons and getting high (Hakyeon was their Dungeon Master, because he wasn’t really that interested at first ((But that’s changed now; He really likes it.)), their sessions were intricate, though they weren’t very serious, but it was still fun and relaxing and Taekwoon enjoyed it very much. Afterwards, they would go out to eat, joined by their other, less nerdy friends, whom loved to poke fun at them every time they showed up flushed and excited over something that had happened in their campaign. It was all in good fun, though, just something to giggle about as they wait to be seated, and all of it made Taekwoon’s life brighter.

Sometimes, after dinner, if there’s a good party going on or a club they’ve been dying to go to, they’ll attend and get drunk and high off their asses some more and just. Have a good time, like college kids do. There are times where Taekwoon feels too wound up and adultish, he was forced to mature much too early and it’s almost as if he never stopped, and now has the mind of someone much older than him. He’s learned to go about life like that and being with Hakyeon and their friends has been making him feel like he’s truly twenty one. And Taekwoon _loves_ it. He’s never felt so good and free before. In time, his smiles have grown more wider and genuine and he doesn’t feel so enclosed and afraid anymore. Taekwoon is less shy, and he’s living for it.

***

“I wonder who your next soulmate will be,” Wonkeun sighs, sat on Hakyeon’s right side. They’re all squished into the largest booth they could find inside Solji’s diner, but they were either too hungry or too high to really care. Taekwoon was unfortunately smushed into the middle of the half circle, Hakyeon to his right and Hyojin pressed against his left side. Normally it isn’t so cramped, they had seating arrangements that they had developed through their struggles of trying to fit their growing friend group in small spaces. But Solji wasn’t working and had brought her platonic soulmate Heeyeon, and now they were trying to fit far too many people into one booth.

Jisoo’s ass is halfway off of the seat but Wonkeun works himself some more space to examine Hakyeon’s arm anyways, brushing over the stripe under Taekwoon’s green one. Hakyeon swats him away with a scowl and tucks himself into Taekwoon’s side so he can pull Wonkeun closer. The sigh of relief Joohyuk, who’s crushed between him and Jisoo, lets out is loud and Jisoo whispers a thanks to god now that he’s fully seated. On Hyojin’s other side is Heeyeon, and then Solji, and soon Minhyuk and Hyunsik were to arrive. It was likely that they were going to need extra chairs.

“What colour do you think they are? Can you tell?” Wonkeun continues, gazing over the menu as if they all don’t order the same meals every time they come in. Hakyeon shrugs, and Taekwoon hisses when his shoulder digs into him. It was incredibly uncomfortable, but Taekwoon hadn’t seen Hyojin since before Christmas break had began and he was willing to suffer for her.

“What about you, Hani? What do you think your other soulmate is like?” Heeyeon looks sheepish, and Solji giggles at her side.

“I’ve met him already, actually…” ‘Solji’ is scrawled upon her left wrist in a pale pink, almost blending in with her skin. Under her other sleeve, which has slid down from where she had rolled them up, it is assumed that her other soulmate’s name is on her right wrist. Confirmation comes when she runs her fingers over it lovingly, and Taekwoon can tell how much she truly adores him.

“We’ve known each other since high school, really. He’s studying neuroscience here! I don’t think any of you know him, though. He’s sort of too busy to hang out with friends and stuff.” She says it a little sadly, and Solji rubs at her shoulders as best as she can. “He’s really sweet though! I’ll see if I can bring him around sometime, I think you guys will love him.” She rolls her sleeve back up, and the name of her soulmate is printed clearly in a deep red. Joohyuk seems to perk up at that.

“Oh! I think I know who he is! I see him around some of the friends I have that are close with the dance team. He seems really fun to be around.” She nods enthusiastically, and Taekwoon wonders who he must be.

***

Hyojin sighs from where she’s lying on Taekwoon’s couch, depressed. She’s been this way since Christmas break, and Taekwoon was hoping to wring whatever had happened out of her with an excessive amount of wine. He doesn’t even bother with glasses from his kitchen, he just brings two bottles of Rosé out from his fridge and plops onto Hyojin’s feet. Hissing, she yanks her feet out from under him but accepts the bottle he hands her anyways, unscrewing the cork and taking a long swig. They stay like that for a few minutes, staring distantly at the television with their bottles of wine in hand.

“What’s happened?” He asks quietly, and Hyojin sighs, leaning her head on the back of the couch. She just shakes her head, and Taekwoon leaves it alone for a while. And so they drink, staring blankly at the reruns of ‘Friends’ playing on Taekwoon’s television. Taekwoon was concerned, this kind of behaviour is out of character for Hyojin, and she’d been so happy until a certain point during break. She’s usually very carefree and outgoing and it’s rare for Taekwoon to see her in such a state. The thought squeezed his heart in half. He’s known her for all his life, really, had been neighbours and classmates forever, and at this point he knows her better than he knows himself. 

Hyojin laughs, suddenly, only has about an inch of wine left in her bottle, and she just laughs. It wasn’t happy, it was the most depressed laugh that Taekwoon has ever heard, and his heart drops to his stomach. Because this must be something serious, and only a few things have had Taekwoon this fearful. “What?” He whispers again, fears that anything louder will shatter Hyojin. Her laughing dies down, and she falls onto Taekwoon’s shoulder. He wraps his arm around her, and tears begin to shed.

“I can’t see out of my left eye anymore.” She says it so bluntly, and Taekwoon sucks in a breath. Hyojin laughs without any humour and sniffs, chugging the last of her wine before continuing. “Do you remember where I went for Christmas break?” Taekwoon nods because he does, because her family invites him every year, and this was the first year he had to refuse, because he went with Hakyeon instead. They went to Paris this year, and Hyojin was so excited for it. She’s been wanting to go back ever since they went when they were fifteen. Hyojin pushes him off and stands suddenly, pushing down her pants, and Taekwoon immediately knows what had happened.

“Look,” She forces out, pointing at the side of her right thigh. Her father says that she had had a butterfly birthmark there ever since she was two, and now it was a full colour tattoo. There’s a sort of rule that happens with soulmates, one that has always happened since the beginning of time. If two soulmates meet and don’t realise it, fate will connect them until they see eachother again and truly acknowledge that they are eachother’s. It’s what happened with him and Hakyeon, his string had connect them so they could find each other again. But this isn’t the same, is it? Because there’s no way for them to find each other, Hyojin just has a mark, a reminder of what could have been. “I don’t know what to do.” She sounds so broken, so fucking _sad_. The only thing that Taekwoon can do at this moment, is hold her.

***

Hakyeon has sent him for coffee, but Taekwoon is very afraid. They were studying tonight, at this point Hakyeon has improved a lot, and doesn’t have to be tutored anymore (Taekwoon sort of does, anyways, it can’t be helped) so they just sort of study whatever they need to on Sunday afternoons. The both of them were running low on caffeine, the end of units in class were approaching and there were tests and unit projects to be prepared for. So Taekwoon walks to their cafe by himself (Hakyeon needed a nap) and he is starting to regret it very much. He trips over the string on his middle finger and _god_ he wishes Hakyeon were awake.

He debates on going back and waking Hakyeon just in case (really, even if whomever their third soulmate is isn’t at the cafe, Hakyeon would want to hunt them down anyways) and he didn’t really want to experience this alone. It was _terrifying_ when he met Hakyeon, nerve wracking, and he needed Hakyeon as his pillar of support. But Taekwoon has never followed a thread before, and he’s not sure if that will ever work. He’s heard of mark similar to his, ones that use location, and he’s heard of ones that stop working if they’re actively used to seek out a soulmate. So, Taekwoon figures that if his soulmate isn’t in the cafe, they’ll meet at some point, and if they are, well, Taekwoon is going to have to deal with it because he’s already on the right street.

It’s quiet when he gets there, not uncommon, because the only time the cafe is busy towards the afternoon is during finals and on Thursdays, as most tests at their school are administered on Fridays. The more concerning thing is that his string snakes under the door. Its looping, and he can see Sungjae’s cat step over it through the glass doors. Taekwoon sighs, a spike of nerves shooting up his spine, and his hands shake as he pulls out his phone. He knows Hakyeon is a light sleeper, and should wake up when he calls, but the phone goes straight to voicemail, and he feels lost. Warmth flows through him, and suddenly Taekwoon feels like he can take on the world. So he stands awkwardly by the door, debating on whether or not he should turn around and wake Hakyeon. Moreso, if Hakyeon will be upset that he did or didn’t. On one hand he can see Hakyeon’s rage as he comes home and tells about how he met one of their _soulmates_ , but he can also see the parental care and understanding that the two of them at the same time may overwhelm their soulmate, or _they_ would be overwhelmed if their soulmate had brought any of their other ones along. 

Unfortunately, Sungjae answers for him when he peeks out the door to inform him that Eungkwan had seen him through the windows and wants to speak with him. He can’t really say “Sorry, I have to go wake Hakyeon up first.” without sounding like an absolute idiot, so he suffers and walks inside. The thread is incredibly loose now, curled and bunched together, wavy and draped over a display across the room. It’s a little difficult for Taekwoon to focus with Sungjae yapping in his ear, but he manages to follow it just fine and _oh wow_.

Their soulmate was a puppy, figuratively. He looked young and innocent, lanky like he hasn’t quite grown into his height yet. His eyes were big and wide as he served the only other customer in line and Taekwoon could see his hands shake as he handed the girl her change. Sungjae continued to chatter next to him, holding his cat close to his chest. Then the woman went to the other side of the counter to wait for her drink and Taekwoon was forced to step up to the counter (Sungjae might only be sixteen, but his grip on Taekwoon’s arm was harsh) to order.

“Sanghyuk! This is one of Eungkwan’s friends that I was talking about!” Taekwoon had been somewhat avoiding his gaze, because he wasn’t sure what would happen. On his side he knew, because it had happened before with Hakyeon, but there was no way to really know what his soulmate’s marks would be and that made him a little nervous. But it would have been rude to ignore him like that, and the poor boy looked terrified already. So Taekwoon tried his hardest to smile, and gave him a tiny wave. The boy ( _Sanghyuk_ ) smiled nervously and waved back, and Taekwoon watched the burning string move with his hand.

“Hello...” He stuttered over the word, shy, and Taekwoon would’ve found it endearing if it wasn’t because the fire had finally reached the tip of his finger. The shudder he tried to hide was more obvious than he thinks Sanghyuk would’ve liked, and heat rose to his cheeks. Taekwoon recalls Hakyeon’s description of how it felt to look him in they eyes, how much it _burned_ and instantly, Taekwoon felt guilty. He felt confused, for a second, just a tiny prick, before feeling reassurance that everything was going to be okay, and he stepped closer to the counter to order. Sanghyuk looked pale, truly unsettled, and Taekwoon didn’t blame him. Sungjae continued introducing them as Sanghyuk rung him up.

“Taekwoon, this is my friend Hyuk from school! He really wanted some work and since Seunghee quit Eungkwan hired him.”

He ‘ah’ed politely, less invested in his words and more invested in Sanghyuk. It was incredibly alarming to think that he has a soulmate the same age as Sungjae, just a kid still in high school. He was, compared to Taekwoon, a baby. Perhaps Hakyeon was right when he said that perhaps some of their soulmates will be platonic. If Sanghyuk is in the same class as Sungjae and working, he must only be sixteen. The age difference isn’t huge, only five years, and possibly in the future something more could come out of it. But now, it isn’t the time for any of that. And the realisation relaxed Taekwoon considerably, because he’s looking at a close friend now rather than a lover, and that’s something he can deal with.

“You total is six twenty.” Sanghyuk stutters again, and Taekwoon now recognises the nervousness as something every adolescent feels when faced with someone older. Which means, Sanghyuk doesn’t know. Taekwoon pulls the ten Hakyeon had given him since Taekwoon didn’t have any cash on him (they tip generously, because money isn’t much of an issue for Taekwoon and they’re simply just good people). Once Sanghyuk reaches for it, their fingertips touch, and both of them hiss, jerking away. The bill floats onto the counter, catching on the steam released from their hands. It _burned_. Taekwoon’s finger didn’t hurt anymore, he was mostly in shock, startled. Yet Sanghyuk had his hand tucked into his side, and he winced through his clenched teeth. 

Attracted by the noise, Eungkwan came from the back room. “Let me see.” He gently coaxed Sanghyuk‘s hand out from hiding, opening it to look at his finger. “God,” he exhales, and Taekwoon sucks in a breath. The skin was raw where they had touched, and Taekwoon glanced at his own hand, only to see it as it was before. Tears glistened on the rim of Sanghyuk’s eyes and it yanked so suddenly on his heart that Taekwoon almost vomited. He looked away as Eungkwan examined him more, checking for other injuries. He was in the same school for pre-med, and if anyone was qualified to provide first aid, it would be him. Instead Taekwoon gazed at Sungjae, who just stared at Sanghyuk, then let out a little laugh, and turned to Taekwoon, looking him straight in the eye.

“You know, don’t you?” Taekwoon only nods, watching Eungkwan usher Sanghyuk to the back room out of the corner of his eye.

“Yes.” He confirms quietly, and the air has a horrid dread and it sinks into their bodies. There is nothing to fear, Taekwoon thinks, but such an explosive reaction unsettled Taekwoon deeply.

Sungjae hums, petting his cat. “This is weird. Don’t you think?” Taekwoon nods again, and a silence settles between them, even as the hushed whispers of customers float around. There was something cryptic about this, he was sure it was nothing, but something, _something_ doesn’t feel right.

“It will scar,” The door flaps open, and a bandaged Sanghyuk stumbles out. “Though I think that’s the point.” Eungkwan glances at Taekwoon, hand firm on Sanghyuk’s back as he guides him. They’re both frowning, and it doesn’t sit well with Taekwoon, but there isn’t much he can do about it. “I suppose I’ll make their drinks, and then you can be dismissed for the day. I advise that you go back with Taekwoon, I think you’ll want to meet Hakyeon.”


	2. Betrayal Sprouts in Your Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taekwoon takes Sanghyuk to meet Hakyeon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sends selfie*  
> i lived bitch
> 
> sorry ive been gone so long a ton !!!!! has been happening !!! i turned 18 n i started my first year of college n im double majoring so it rly overwhelming plus i work so !! i rly didn't have any time until thanksgiving break this week to do anything ;( i rly hate to have been gone so long !! but the semester is ending soon so hopefully christmas break ill be able to bring lots of missed content for u guys !!! thank u for sticking with me !!!

Sanghyuk was soft and shy on their walk home. He didn’t speak, only sipped on the hot chocolate he had made for himself before they had left. Taekwoon didn’t speak either, stuck in a limbo between his closed-off personality and his need to make his soulmate less uncomfortable. It was innate; The urge to comfort Sanghyuk was a stone in his heart but Taekwoon just could not do it. The air between them was so heavy and awkward, Taekwoon could feel it crawling up his spine. Its claws dug into his shoulders, and he shivered.

“Um,” Taekwoon whispers because the silence had become too much for even himself to bear. He’s not sure if it’s because he’s never met anyone more silent than him, or if it’s just Sanghyuk’s presence itself. Sanghyuk glances at him out of the corner of his eye and then looks away. Taekwoon doesn’t notice, because he can’t look at him. He can’t really bring himself to, because he’s Taekwoon and that isn’t something Taekwoon does in situations like this and continues on. “I’m Taekwoon.”, he states simply, and Sanghyuk nods at his side because he already knows about him. As if Sungjae would ever shut up about his brother’s cool friends. He’s still quiet, and Taekwoon can hear the snow fall past him louder than ever. “Um,” Taekwoon says again because he’s never really been great at communicating. “Hakyeon is my- _our_ soulmate.”

“I know,” Sanghyuk whispers like he’s too afraid to speak any louder. The air around them is heavy and anxious, but it’s also fragile. “Sungjae talks about you guys a lot.”

“I hope it’s good things.” Taekwoon tries to joke, but the silence from Sanghyuk after drains the humour from it. It wasn’t like Taekwoon was smiling anyway or said it in such a way. It was in bad taste. They walk slowly, and it’s so god damn painful. There’s no reason for them to do so, they just do, and it makes the tension between them so much worse. It’s drowning, feels like it’s flooding and the waters are only rising. Sanghyuk’s lack of communication doesn’t help, and Taekwoon wonders why he didn’t just _leave_. It’s not like he seems to want to be there (but if Taekwoon were him, he wouldn’t want to either).

“Go,” Taekwoon whispers, and he doesn’t mean for Sanghyuk to hear him really, he’s just talking to himself, but it’s so quiet on this street, the snow has begun to fall harder and fewer people wanted to be out in the cold. But Sanghyuk hears him, jerks next to him like he’s been smacked, and guilt seeps into Taekwoon’s veins. That wasn’t his intention. “You don’t seem to want to be here,” Taekwoon says softly, in an attempt to make it seem less like Taekwoon hates him and more like he’s just concerned. 

“I don’t know.” Sanghyuk whispers and Taekwoon realises that he’s just as afraid as he is. The boy is quite tall for his age but he looks so small and fragile at this moment. “I think I need to,” Sanghyuk continues, wrapping his arms around himself. He only has a light jacket on, poorly underestimated the weather for today. Taekwoon feels bad, and he tries to walk a little faster. They weren’t too far from his apartment anyway. “but I’m not really sure I want to. Sorry. I’ve never had a soulmate before” He adds on, glancing at Taekwoon. And he understands because he was terrified too, upon meeting Hakyeon. Perhaps he and Sanghyuk are one and the same.

***

As they walk into the lobby of Taekwoon’s building, Sanghyuk whips his head around in awe. Now that they’re in a bigger space he strays further from Taekwoon, hands curled up into his chest. He’s gaping at the elegance, and he turns to whisper at Taekwoon.

“You _live_ here?” And he sounds so surprised as if Taekwoon doesn’t exude the same intimidating aura of expensiveness as his mother does. Taekwoon looks so in place in his silk shirt and Chanel jeans, as opposed to Sanghyuk, tucked inside a ratty blue Chaps sweater and dirty Adidas that must have been hand-me-downs from someone older. He looks smaller than he did before here, young and naive and everything Taekwoon _wasn’t_ when he was Sanghyuk’s age. No, Taekwoon was poised, trained early on by his mother to above everyone else, be smarter, be prettier, be richer, and more sharp, than everyone he knew. His childhood never existed, and Taekwoon wonders what it’s like to be a kid like Sanghyuk.  
They reach the elevator and Sanghyuk’s demeanour changes quickly. He shrinks into himself and keeps to the opposite side, even as people come and go, and Taekwoon wishes he could say something, but there’s really nothing he could say. Taekwoon wishes he could feel as comfortable around Sanghyuk as he did with Hakyeon. Taekwoon wonders if the universe made a mistake. He wonders if Sanghyuk is going to reject him. Serves him right, he supposes. Sanghyuk sticks to the wall as they walk, and Taekwoon quietly accepts it.

It wasn’t too awkward until now, as Taekwoon twists his key in his lock. He hesitated to walk into his own home, worried about if Hakyeon is awake. But he isn’t when the apartment is quiet as the door swings open, and he’s not really sure if he should be relieved or nervous. Sanghyuk stands awkwardly inside the doorway, even as the door naturally shuts behind him. Taekwoon stands just as awkwardly by the bar, reverted back to his horrible ways of hosting.

“Um,” he whispers, only because it’s quiet. “I’m gonna… go wake Hakyeon up. You can sit if you want to.” Sanghyuk nods but doesn’t move, and Taekwoon understands that really, but it does nothing to help relieve the air around them so he nods back, and goes into the hallway.

Waking Hakyeon up is somewhat of a tricky thing, much like navigating a minefield. One wrong move and you have an explosion tearing you apart. Taekwoon likes to start with kisses because Hakyeon is a soft person and kisses from Taekwoon are generally sweet. He stirs, and then Taekwoon gently begins to shake him, whispers in his ear that they have guests.

“Who?” Hakyeon asks groggily, back still towards Taekwoon, because if it’s any of their friends besides Wonkeun, Hakyeon will not bother getting up at all.

“Um,” Taekwoon stutters, which he has seemed to be saying a lot, but a lot about today has caught him off guard. “I may have met another soulmate.” He fiddles with his thumbs, waiting for the inevitable wrath of Cha Hakyeon. Even from the doorway, where Taekwoon has backed away to, can he feel the dark energy radiating off of him. 

Turning slowly, Hakyeon, bites out a venomous “ _What?_ ” and Taekwoon curls into himself. 

“I found him… at the café. Sungjae’s friend? Eungkwan hired him. He’s scared. I think we’re his first.” Hakyeon softens at that, a mix of Taekwoon’s apparent nervousness and the idea of a figurative _baby_ sat inside their living room. He scowls at Taekwoon, gives him that look he does when they have something to speak about later, and gets out of bed. Hakyeon gets dressed quickly, in something comfortable but nice, and the aura of elegance Hakyeon naturally has doesn’t fail to seep through. Sunlight shines softly across Hakyeon’s face through the curtains as he passes the window. Taekwoon thinks he’s beautiful. He touches himself up, makes sure he doesn’t look like he’s been napping for an hour (Taekwoon thinks Sanghyuk would’ve been in awe either way), and stands in the doorway, waiting. Taekwoon follows after, uneasy.

They walk the few feet to the living room in silence, and Taekwoon trails behind him, clinging to the back of his shirt. He’s more nervous now than he was before because this means the serious talk that Taekwoon had been trying not to think about is going to happen, and he’s never been good with confrontation. What he’s had with Hakyeon has been perfect and he’s not sure he’s ready for a dynamic change. When they get there, they find Sanghyuk sat awkwardly at the edge of the couch, hands rubbing at his knobby knees. He hasn’t quite filled out yet, but he probably will as he ages. Some show is playing on the television, volume low, and is probably the same show they had used as background noise while they were studying. But it looked _right_ , in a way, and it paints an odd picture for Taekwoon. Sanghyuk looks like he belongs but he looks like he doesn’t at the same time. It’s just… odd.

The floors of his apartment are wood, and he’s a little relieved that the noise of their bare feet breaks the bubble. Sanghyuk stands quickly, a little shaky, and Taekwoon isn’t sure if it’s because he’s just wobbly, or if he’s nervous. Probably both.

“You can sit back down,” Hakyeon says softly, motioning at him as he walks past him to the kitchen as if the apartment contract is in his name. Taekwoon isn’t sure whether he should follow or stay with Sanghyuk, and he feels a little lost. Hakyeon may as well be renting the apartment himself, then. He’s here often enough anyway. It’s too late to choose though, and he ends up frozen in between the living room and the entrance to the kitchen until Hakyeon comes back out a minute later. He feels ten times warmer when Hakyeon takes his hand and leads him to the couch. It’s grounding. He’s so good for him.

“What’s your name, sweetheart?” Hakyeon sits gently next to Sanghyuk, and he was right when he said Sanghyuk would be in awe. Hakyeon was always breathtaking, and it didn’t seem to slip past Sanghyuk, who was gazing up at him like he was the center of the universe. Taekwoon is sat next to Hakyeon, and Sanghyuk looks so puppylike and young, wide-eyed as he whispers his name like Hakyeon is a dream and speaking any louder will cause him to vanish. Hakyeon looks at him then, fully meets his eyes, and Taekwoon can see the full body shiver that overtakes him. He scrambles to roll up Hakyeon’s sleeve, and Sanghyuk watches in wonder.

A gradient appears on the last black band on Hakyeon’s arm, starting from the front. It’s a washed out dark blue, and it swirls in the confines of the band, seeping into the black and pushing it further around Hakyeon’s arm until it settles. The band is now completely coloured, and Taekwoon lets out a breath. They sort of knew that their soulmates were going to be the same people, but the confirmation was relieving.

“Wow.” Sanghyuk is still in wonder, and his hand is half raised towards Hakyeon’s arm.

“You can touch it if you want.” Hakyeon holds his arm out, but Sanghyuk reaches for his hand instead. He gingerly touches the tips of his fingers to Hakyeon’s and they jerk as if they were shocked. But their hands are still touching, and only then does Sanghyuk move up and gently feel at the mark. _His_ mark. Hakyeon’s hand is still out, and Taekwoon can see tiny marks on the tips of his fingers.

There was not yelling. No pain. Taekwoon doesn’t know what to think.

He isn’t quite surprised; Taekwoon has always known that he’s been a difficult person to just even be around. But Hakyeon had gotten through to him so quickly, so he thought Sanghyuk would be the same. Now he realises he was just spoilt by Hakyeon. It was in the other’s nature to be warm and homely. Rather than being produced by the bond, the ease Taekwoon felt around Hakyeon was a result of just Hakyeon himself. The bond soulmates have are always powerful, but perhaps it is not powerful enough for immediate attraction, platonic or not. He’ll try not to let it get to him. Or he’ll try not to let it look like it has. As tough as Taekwoon appears, he’s really quite fragile. His heart may be made of ice, but ice can be broken easily. For now, he decides, he’ll keep some distance. This must be an overwhelming experience for Sanghyuk, and he may be overwhelmed still for a time afterward. Taekwoon doesn’t want to make it too much worse.

The light in Sanghyuk’s eyes is so endearing to Taekwoon. He looks so genuinely happy in this moment. It’s a juxtaposition from what he was just minutes ago. Taekwoon excuses himself to the restroom. Suddenly Taekwoon feels like he's intruding inside the moment. Hakyeon himself looks delighted, and of course, he would be. Hakyeon loves friends and he loves taking care of the people dearest to him. He must be so eager to have someone else close to dote on. Taekwoon shivers in the way one does once they realise something dreadful, and immediately he feels ashamed of himself. The kid is only sixteen and yet Taekwoon feels the poisonous tendrils of jealousy creeping up upon him. Taekwoon doesn't go to the restroom; he goes to bed.

***

Taekwoon is awoken later by movement on the bed. It's odd because he's such a heavy sleeper that such a thing as Hakyeon crawling into bed would not have woken him up. Yet it does, and perhaps it's fate because Hakyeon looks a little angry, but mostly concerned. Taekwoon hadn't actually meant to fall asleep. Rather, he wished to ly on their bed and relish in self-pity for the five minutes it would take him to use the restroom and collect himself before joining them again. But perhaps the happenings of the day completely drained someone like him, and he had passed out not too long after he laid down.

”What’s wrong?” Hakyeon’s voice is a little harsh and Taekwoon doesn't think he means it, but he still winces anyways. Hakyeon’s situated behind him, leg thrown over his side and nails scratching down his back comfortingly. He knows that Hakyeon knows the sort of anxiety he deals with and isn’t really mad at him, but he also realises how rude of him it was to ditch them the way he did. It must be frustrating.

“I’m sorry,” Taekwoon isn’t sure if Hakyeon can hear him. He hates apologising, was raised in a house where it never happened and now when it does, it makes him feel weird and vulnerable. But he should apologise, so he does. Hakyeon sighs into the back of his neck and then hooks his chin over Taekwoon’s shoulder to get closer to him. To show that he isn’t angry.

“Were you overwhelmed?” Taekwoon nods even though that isn’t entirely the reason why he ran off. But he doesn’t want to say it. He despises talking about his feelings and that's why he's so grateful for Hakyeon. He never usually has to say anything. Hakyeon just _knows_. Taekwoon feels icky and exposed when he has to and he just. Can’t deal with it. Taekwoon is sad and feels worthless and he wishes now was one of the moments where Hakyeon just _knew_. They’re both quiet for a minute. It was dark inside the room and the sounds of cars passing are few and far between. It must be late. Taekwoon wonders if Hakyeon walked him home.

“Did Sanghyuk make it home safe?” He asks instead because he doesn’t want to talk about anything right now. The feelings triggered by this are embarrassing and something that he can deal with on his own. “What time is it?”

Hakyeon pulls Taekwoon further into him and this time Taekwoon is overwhelmed. He always brings out an influx of emotion into Taekwoon. He shudders. “Yes, I believe so. I got him an Uber. And-” Taekwoon can feel Hakyeon lean back so he can check his phone on the nightstand. “It’s around seven. Did you nap well?” Taekwoon shrugs, because he’s not sure if he can really trust his voice anymore. He didn’t, though. He’s thankful Hakyeon never turned the lights on. Taekwoon’s eyes are crusty and he can feel dried tears on his cheeks. He doesn’t remember crying, but he never usually does, anyway. It’s not something he ever tries to remember. “Something else is wrong, isn’t there?” Although Taekwoon had wished Hakyeon would know what he felt without needing to say anything, having Hakyeon bring it up only made Taekwoon more jittery. He feels on the edge of a nervous breakdown and he’s not sure if he wants to run or turn around and bury himself into Hakyeon’s arms. 

Sensing this, Hakyeon shushes him and pets at his hair, turning Taekwoon around himself and pulling him into his chest. Something builds up inside of Taekwoon then. It’s something more powerful than he has ever felt before, but soulmates tend to do that to each other. The bond between soulmates are so strong; Taekwoon hates it sometimes. He hates the way that his eyes sting and he can’t really breathe because there’s a boulder in his throat. He hates the way emotions whirl around inside his head and through his body and out through the inevitable sobs because he’s never really been good at controlling his emotions when around Hakyeon. He’s comfortable and homely even if it’s him that's causing it. Taekwoon chokes on the lump in his throat and Hakyeon holds tighter, lips on his forehead. “‘M sorry.” Hakyeon shushes him, hands petting at his hair and cupping his cheeks. “I’m just.” Taekwoon sniffs, trying to collect himself before he gets too loose and tired. “I don’t know.” He sighs because he’s not entirely sure how to explain what he’s currently feeling. It’s something twisted and new and scary and Taekwoon just doesn't know what it is. “I’m sorry.” He repeats, more calmly and clearly. Hakyeon’s hands are warm and soft and it makes Taewoon meek and sleepy. He cuddles closer into Hakyeon’s chest and tries to make his breathing normal again.

“That's okay, baby,” Hakyeon whispers and Taekwoon is thankful. He can already feel a pounding migraine approaching and he wishes to be asleep before it fully arrives. “It’s okay to not know. Just know that I’m here for you, okay? You don’t have to figure it out alone.” Taekwoon nods against Hakyeon’s chest and their conversation ends there, both of them too exhausted from meeting Sanghyuk to speak further. It was going to be an early night, but they need the time in the morning to catch up on the studying they missed out on anyways.

Taekwoon just hopes the nasty feeling rolling in his stomach goes away by the time he awakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt rly mean to make it this emo perhaps i should stop projecting lol anyways !!! u can find me @ [my stan twit](http://www.twitter.com/sweetsanggyun) or [my mostly nsfw writing twit](http://www.twitter.com/nsfwsanggyun) !! thank u sm for reading !!! until next time ♥


	3. I'm Afraid of Me Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Taekwoon is driven to the brink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi !!!! long time no see !!! i think?? we might be getting into more regular updates ?? ive found this really nice word tracker to help keep me focused n so far its working !! plus its camp nano this month, which means for the entire month ill be working towards a personal word count goal (15000 this april) and camp nano is always when im motivated most !! so i think we might finish this month who knows !! this month is also really important because that means this series is a whole year old !!! (kind of) this series has been my Baby for years, but I started hibiscus and topaz in april's camp nano as well, so!! happy birthday i guess!!
> 
> also as a side note..... because its been so long since ive written hibiscus and topaz i feel like theres a lot that i have forgotten but its too much of a hassle to check the 25k document so ... if there r any inaccuracies take the most recent as canon kdjfdlkjf

Something about the light rain showers that have been occurring as they transition into spring makes Taekwoon a little sad. It’s still cold enough for light snow to fall on the worst days- nothing that sticks too long but it’s there, and windy enough to make it still seem like December. The days are dreary and school is slowly starting to pick up. Graduation is close and it fills Taekwoon’s heart with an odd mixture of dread and anticipation. There’s the pressing issue of finding some sort of internship for both him and Hakyeon, and he isn’t really sure how well he’ll be able to deal with even less time with each other. And then there’s the topic of Sanghyuk to think of.

They don’t talk very much but Hakyeon seems to always be doing so. There doesn’t seem to be a moment where he isn’t talking about his baby. He’s not upset. Just… off. He’s not quite used to having to share Hakyeon. Taekwoon has come to rely on Hakyeon too much since they’ve met. But perhaps this will be good for them, Hakyeon’s very much a social butterfly and he must be so excited to have someone he can dote so motherly on. So Taekwoon is not jealous. Sanghyuk is still his soulmate as well and Taekwoon likes him, from what he sees when the three of them are together. He and Sanghyuk don’t talk by themselves

Sanghyuk’s currently pressed against the side of some ratty old couch, squished between the arm and nothing. There’s an empty space where Hakyeon was sitting, and then there’s Taekwoon, sat casually. It wasn’t too late (Sanghyuk has school tomorrow and Hakyeon refuses to get in the way of that), maybe around five in the evening and they were in some kind of dingy bar that Sanghyuk picked out. When he originally brought it up, Hakyeon immediately shot him down with a tone that made even Taekwoon wither. Sanghyuk had to scramble to explain that it wasn’t like what he was thinking, and Sanghyuk didn’t have a fake id anyways (“but you could always buy me something.” He added on slyly, in a way that came through more often as he spends more time with them .), and he and his friends go all the time. Hakyeon only agreed because of the puppy eyes Sanghyuk threw across the table at their little coffee shop (he’s picked up on the ways to manipulate Hakyeon now, too.).

And it really wasn’t what Hakyeon was thinking, probably. There was a small bar towards the back but the space was mostly taken up by small tables and chairs, some couches, and a few pool tables, with a stage off to the right for live music. It was a Sunday, though, so that side of the room was dark and empty, similar to the rest of the bar. Only true alcoholics come here at this time on this day, and it didn’t seem that many of them had a preference for this place. But it was quiet and peaceful, and Taekwoon thinks that maybe Sanghyuk just wanted a change of scenery. They’ve really only taken Sanghyuk to see Taekwoon’s (and Hakyeon’s really. They already made plans for him to move in after the semester ended.) apartment and Sungjae’s coffee shop, and maybe Hakyeon’s form a few times.

Pre-game commercials were wrapping up on the television in front of them and Taekwoon assumed more people were going to come in to watch Sunday night football. The big space on the couch between him and Sanghyuk felt miles wide and was only an open seat for someone else to take before Hakyeon came back because it didn’t even look like the two of them were together. Sanghyuk seemed so repulsed by Taekwoon. By now he’s sort of learned to accept it. Not that it didn’t bother him, but because if he wanted to retain any sanity he had to disregard the biting knowledge that Sanghyuk hates him.

Taekwoon isn’t stupid. Even now he notices the way Sanghyuk doesn’t let any part of his body within one couch seat of Taekwoon and how he gazes at Hakyeon like he’s a god but looks at Taekwoon like he’s nothing. It hurts, honestly. But… he doesn’t feel rejected. Yet, at least. He remembers exactly how it felt to reject Hakyeon and can only imagine that it’d be ten times worse for the one rejected. But even more so, the distance that Sanghyuk had put between them made the world off. It was as if Taekwoon had a permanent case of vertigo that could only be solved by Sanghyuk’s acceptance. He didn’t know what was wrong. He isn’t sure what he did, but all he can do is endure.

Hakyeon comes back then, in the middle of Taekwoon’s seemingly constant musing, and the world settles.

***

Hyojin has become increasingly close with Solji recently, Taekwoon thinks, as the two of them are squished close on a mat, sharing the attention of a tabby cat sprawled over their legs. He and Heeyeon look on as Solji smiles into Hyojin’s neck when the cat nips at her fingers. Taekwoon and Hani share a look between them as the certified best friends, and they both know that something is going on that neither of the girls had mentioned.

The coming of spring break has their friend group equal parts stressed and excited. Wonkeun continuously blabs about how he’s finally going to meet Jisoo and Joohyuk’s family, and if there wasn’t any previous confirmation that the three of them were a thing, this was it. It’s never been explicitly said, but Hakyeon has told him about the night where the two of them got a little drunk and Wonkeun sobbed into Hakyeon’s shoulder, waxing some sort of poetic about them. Taekwoon feels oddly proud of him. Hakyeon says that Wonkeun still has nightmares sometimes, of what he saw when his soulmate had passed, and that he still finds time to visit their grave at least once a month. He’s healing though, back to his energetic and semi-aggravating self, Taekwoon doesn’t think anyone would rather have it any other way. 

He, Hani (Taekwoon is still going to have to get used to calling her that- his family never did nicknames so Taekwoon has the habit of using someone’s full name regardless of what they like to be called), Solji, and Hyojin had scoped out the cat cafe they were currently holed up in weeks ago, but between work and midterms, they hadn’t had a chance to visit until now. A quiet black kitten was curled in Taekwoon’s lap, and Heeyeon had joked that it was just like him, when the cat peered at them with the most piercing gaze when they came in, before showing up twenty minutes later to knead at Taekwoon’s thighs and settle for a nap.

“Taekwoonie!” Hyojin pouts, one hand buried in the fur of their tabby, and the other settled around Solji’s waist. “When are you going to introduce us to your Sanghyuk!” The two other girls widen their eyes and nod with noises of agreement.

“Please! Hakyeon talks so much about him!” Heeyeon grips Taekwoon’s arm tightly, and if it were anyone else, he’d shake her off, but Taekwoon quite likes Hani, now that they’ve spent more time together. Hani is always with Solji and Solji is now always with Hyojin, who in turn is always with Taekwoon, so they see a lot more of each other nowadays. 

“Never,” Taekwoon replies bluntly before continuing if only to make it seem like he’s not entirely serious. “You all are bad influences and he’s a baby.” But the truth is, he isn’t really sure. He wants to be able to, but god wouldn’t it just be so awkward? To see Sanghyuk, laughing and joking along with his friends? His Jisoo and his Hyojin and his Minhyuk… but not him? Taekwoon wonders if it’ll ever happen.

***  
It does.

“Okay. Let’s roll initiative.” There’s a loud sound that can only be distinguished as ten dice rolling on Solji’s dining room table. Sanghyuk is squished between Taekwoon and Hakyeon and brand new to the world of Dungeons and Dragons as well as their previously established campaign. Sanghyuk leans over, sort of, to Taekwoon, and whispers. “Um. It’s this one, right?” He’s holding a d20, a gorgeous marbled purple, and part of Taekwoon’s spare set.

“Yes,” Taekwoon whispers back, mostly because he’s confused as to why Sanghyuk asked him in the first place, and why he sounded _nervous_. It made sense, though, as Sanghyuk leaned away, and saw Hakyeon rolling for three other sets of villains. Hakyeon was sort of busy, and they’re surrounded by all of Hakyeon and Taekwoon’s big older adult college friends. Any other sixteen year old would be nervous too. Right? Taekwoon ignores the way Wonkeun and Minhyuk cheer with Sanghyuk when he rolls a twenty. That’s just them. They can make anybody laugh and talk about stupid things.

Taekwoon rolls a measly three but he doesn’t mind too much. He’s a warlock with an affinity for the necromantic so, if worse comes to worst, he can always just cast ‘false life’. If Taewoon were honest, he’d say that his character is the most powerful of their adventuring party. But, even though he’s only just joined, Sanghyuk’s pretty powerful, too.

They spent most of yesterday doing a sort of mini-campaign to both show Sanghyuk the ropes of playing Dungeons and Dragons, as well as level up his half-orc Paladin and develop a way of introducing his character into their campaign. A bit clumsy, but Sanghyuk had seemed to be able to handle himself well enough by the time his character was around the same level as the rest of theirs. Sanghyuk seemed understandably nervous, fairly calm when speaking with Hakyeon but a little bit of a mess whenever his and Taekwoon’s characters would interact. As of then, Sanghyuk had only met Wonkeun twice and Minhyuk and Hyunsik once, and he was already very intimidated.

He seemed to be doing just fine now, though. In fact, Sanghyuk carried their team in their fight against several banshees and ghasts. Solji only had to heal him once, and if Taekwoon weren’t next to him, he’d think that he was cheating with all the high rolls he’s been getting. So, when Sanghyuk’s character ends up fighting alongside his, Taekwoon is a little thankful. Hakyeon has meanly decided to let two banshees and a ghast gang up on them, but with Taekwoon taking a heavy preference for necromantic spells, his abilities are rendered almost useless and he’s having a more difficult time defending himself than he usually would. With Sanghyuk being a paladin, well, who’s better equipped to deal with the undead than someone holy?

Their characters work side by side to take out their enemies, and Taekwoon’s a little surprised at just how well they work together. Sanghyuk lets Taekwoon use the few spells he has that will work on undead and Sanghyuk supports him when there’s nothing else for his warlock to do. They’re the first to take out their Hakyeon-assigned enemies and when they do? The excitement between the two of them and the high-fives they give each other feel so natural. But when their hands' touch, there’s still something bad. Something imposing. There’s a burning feeling again, and Sanghyuk jerks his hand away quickly. He avoids Taekwoon’s eye, after. Maybe scoots a little bit closer to Hakyeon.

The only thing Taekwoon can hold on to is that the pain wasn’t as bad as before.

***

Lethargically pulling a pot from his cabinet, Taekwoon sighs and brings it to the sink to fill it with water. He’s been so tired lately. Spread thin. His mind is so foggy nowadays, too slow. It’s like his head is a mire, damp and muddy and cold. It’s like pre-Hakyeon Taekwoon is coming back. It’s a little scary.

Taekwoon thinks about how much Hakyeon has spoiled him. How much there is that Taekwoon can’t return. Even now, as he’s starting up some food for them, he still doesn’t feel like he does enough. Hakyeon takes care of him and Sanghyuk and everyone else so well, so sweetly. So caring. Taekwoon understands why Sanghyuk looks at Hakyeon with stars in his eyes. Even when he’s teasing him, there’s always something like admiration painted in Sanghyuk’s gaze. It’s something Taekwoon understands very well.

“Taekwoonie.” He startles, and he’s only just now realising that he’s been letting the water overflow in his pot for several minutes. Soft hands slide up his arms to his shoulders and they press at him. It takes a bit, but slowly, tension eases off of Taekwoon. Hakyeon’s kissing sweetly at his neck and Taekwoon knows that Hakyeon’s making him pliant so they can talk about _feelings_.

“What’s wrong, baby? You’ve been so in your head lately. Somethings up.” Taekwoon frowns and tries to pull away, but Hakyeon won't let him, so he folds in on himself a little bit. Hakyeon always knows what he wants, but he also knows what he needs, even if it isn’t something Taekwoon wants. Cause’ god, it's so hard keeping in something so...tumultuous as this. Taekwoon’s feelings have begun to rage inside him, riot and scream and tear at his insides with the razor-sharp claws and it _hurts_. He’s hurting and he’s been so afraid to talk about it. Hakyeon thinks the world of Sanghyuk, his baby, someone to dote on so lovingly and brotherly. Who is Taekwoon to come between that? But he remembers something important too, that he’s learned now. Communication is important and so is mutual support. Hakyeon constantly reminds him that he’s there and always will be. Always. And Taekwoon needs to trust that. Maybe Taekwoon’s finally learning how to let people take care of him. Maybe it’s just his resolve collapsing under the weight of his feelings.

He cries. Sobs, really. Clutches at the arms wrapped around his stomach and bends, like the weight on his shoulders is suddenly far too much to bear. Hakyeon must be startled because Taekwoon can feel the way he jerks when Taekwoon starts up, but then he’s squeezing tighter for just a second, and trying to turn Taekwoon around. Shaking his head, Taekwoon bends lower and holds on tighter. The way his breath forces itself out of his mouth makes Taekwoons chest hurt and his head is pounding, but Hakyeon is there so maybe it’ll be okay. 

“Sweetheart,” Hakyeon whispers in his ear, gently pulling Taekwoon down with him to sit on the kitchen floor before they can collapse onto it. Taekwoon continues to clutch onto the arms around his waist and he just cries for a minute, lets himself get out what he can because he’s afraid if he opens his mouth now, too much will tumble out. Behind him, Hakyeon whispers things that Taekwoon can’t make out, but his tone and his voice and his existence make Taekwoon feel good.

Sometime in the next couple of minutes, Taekwoon gathers himself enough to release his death grip on Hakyeon arms and wipe at his eyes and face. One of the arms around his waist move to let Hakyeon card his fingers through Taekwoon’s hair and Taekwoon leans into it, nearly purring. Hakyeon’s other had scratches calmingly at his side, giving Taekwoon enough comfort to take a deep breath and give a wavering apology.

“Don’t apologise,” Hakyeon murmurs against his neck and Taekwoon’s heart flutters in his chest. Being in close proximity of Hakyeon never fails to get Taekwoon flustered in the cutest way. “You’re allowed to cry. You’re allowed to feel. What’s up, baby?”

Suddenly Taekwoon feels stupid. Now that he’s going to say it, it just sounds so dumb. He’s twenty-one and so very upset over whether or not a kid likes him. His soulmate, but still a kid. Taekwoon is old and wise and mature and all of these other things. He’s being stupid. It’s shameful but it’s something that Taekwoon needs to talk about before he caves in on himself.

He’s silent for just a beat. “Do you think Sanghyuk hates me?” He says it incredibly blunt, like he wasn’t very affected, just curious. He says it as if he didn’t spend the previous five minutes in tears.

Hakyeon huffs out a breath of air, half surprised at the question and half surprised that it’s something that has Taekwoon so upset. Even Taekwoon himself forgets how soft he can become. How vulnerable. There’s an impenetrable wall that surrounds him, but lately, it’s been coming down easier and more often. “...what makes you think that?”

This makes Taekwoon turn and face Hakyeon, finally, even if it’s just to shoot him a quizzical look. Hakyeon laughs breathily, like he said that just to get a reaction from Taekwoon, like he knew that would get him to finally look at him. He lets his hands rest on Taekwoon’s cheek and thumb away any remnants of tears. Then, he squishes Taekwoon’s cheeks, to get him to laugh and paw him off like a kitten. But then Hakyeon gets a little serious again and replaces his hands on Taekwoon’s cheeks.

“He doesn’t hate you, baby. I think he’s just… scared. He’s just a kid, you know, and suddenly he’s got these two older soulmates who already knew each other and are already together. It’s probably intimidating and weird.”

Taekwoon nods because he gets that, he really does, but it also doesn’t justify how Sanghyuk’s actions are only towards _him_. “It doesn’t seem like he’s very scared of you though. I think he has a crush on you.” Hakyeon outright laughs.

“Maybe so. But you also need to remember how you appear influences how people perceive you, even if you’re perhaps the softest person I know. In the same way that I’m warm and comforting, you’re cold and a little scary. Your reputation precedes you. You’re keeping up this cold illusion because you’re scared, but I think that’s just what’s keeping him away. I and all of our friends know that you’re nice and sweet and dramatic and a little bratty, but people that just barely know you don’t. Let yourself be you around him.”

“I think you should also talk to him. Communication in relationships is important no matter what kind they are. Just as it’s good for us to let each other know if something is wrong, it’s important to be like this with Sanghyuk as well, even if we’re just platonic. This is probably hurting him as much as it hurts you.”

Tears fill in the corners of Taekwoon’s eyes and he blinks them away, focused wholly on Hakyeon. It’s like his hands rooted Taekwoon, unfurled into him and wrapped around Taekwoon as he slowly drowned in his mire and pulled him out back into the real world.

“I don’t think he wants to talk. Every time I try he just… doesn’t. So I don’t try anymore, I feel like I’d just be forcing myself on him and it’s gross.” Hakyeon hums and runs his fingers through Taekwoon’s hair, thinking.

“I think I’ll have a talk with him too, then. He needs to stop avoiding you. But I’m not going to tell him your feelings, either. You’re a big boy- you don’t need me to do that for you. Good?” Hakyeon cups his face and kisses at the corner of his mouth. Taekwoon sniffles and nods as best as he can in Hakyeon’s grip. His eyes are shining with the remains of his shed tears and love for Hakyeon- Taekwoon will forever be thankful for him.

Maybe his heart still hurts, maybe his throat still closes in fear sometimes, but Taekwoon is beginning to think it’ll be okay. With Hakyeon there, he’s reminded that he still has forever. As long as Taekwoon has an invisible string attached to him and Hakyeon has a muted green ring around his arm, Hakyeon will still be here. Just the same, as long as Taekwoon has his string of fate bounding him to Sanghyuk and Sanghyuk has a burn mark in the shape of Taekwoon’s thumb, they will always be together.

With Hakyeon’s hands holding him afloat above the surface of his deep mire, Taekwoon has never felt so calm and secure in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as usual , thank u so much for sticking with me n liking my story ;-; i really appreciate it !!!! hopefully some things will be resolved next chapter but that wont be the end of it either ! >:3c  
> also excuse my blatant projecting of how bad i wish i had people to play dnd with ..... as well as how mushy taekwoon gets towards the end..... perhaps i love my own gf too much that i must make taekwoon love his bf too much kdlfdks
> 
> the links are always the same so i wont bother linking anymore, you should know where to find me by now !


	4. Why are you Crying like a Child?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spring break arrives, and with it brings great change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anli ???? posting twice in a month ?????? what universe is this !!! well !! its a universe in which finals are next week which means next friday ! i am finally done with my first year of college and i'll finally have time to write !!!
> 
> I know most of this is just dumbassery but I promise we finally get to the good stuff hehe

If Hakyeon has spoken to Sanghyuk, Taekwoon can’t tell a difference.

He’s still so far away. Miles and miles away, not even in the same country as Taekwoon. Sanghyuk is right here, sat with his laptop in the corner of Eungkwan’s cafe, the same corner as Taekwoon and Hakyeon’s corner, just with a chair from the table next to theirs pulled up to the side. It’s all three of their corner now. They all have their laptops out, doing schoolwork as proper adult role models should. Spring Break is next week, which meant projects and midterms were due this week, and more things to be prepared or done for when school reopens. 

Sanghyuk doesn’t have midterms, but he does have an important essay for his English III class and he was struggling a little, trying to do it at home, so they invited him in on their study date.

Taekwoon doesn’t know too much about Sanghyuk’s home life. He never talks about it. Not with Taekwoon, at least. He probably talks about it with Hakyeon. Probably. He knows that Sanghyuk’s father works in construction and his mother works at the mall. He knows Sanghyuk has an older sister but he doesn’t know her name or how old she is or what she does. Sanghyuk just doesn’t talk about them, but when he does, recently, he gets some sort of look on his face. Like a rock has fallen heavy in his gut, a boulder even. Wilted, like flowers kept from water for too long. Wrong. Hurt. Something must have happened, because Sanghyuk didn’t always look so rotten, talking about them. It looks sad on him.

Hakyeon has a film appreciation elective that he’s been forced to take, and as a film major, he is surprisingly averse to it. Sungjae brings him lattes with extra espresso and pokes fun at Sanghyuk because he’s already finished his essay. But Hakyeon’s writing his own essay, a critique on the movie _The Minority Report_ , and he’s having a difficult time conveying what he needs to say. Hakyeon hates this class because he needs to say _too much_. Has so much passion for movies and the art of making them, makes Hakyeon’s heart swell thrice its size. But this class is an elective for the ‘exploring artistic works’ requirement, one that every student has, a blow-off class at best, so it doesn’t require the depth and intellectualism that Hakyeon craves and _wants_. It’s just… too easy. Too little. It frustrates him. 

With his own work, Taekwoon isn’t faring much better than the other two- he’s knee deep in EBSCO’S databases, wading through articles for an extensive research paper he’s writing for his child psychology class. Its long and tedious, something he’s been preparing for and working on for nearly a month, and he’s still finding more sources and adjusting his thesis statement. It’s a lot. The whole semester has been a lot. It weighs heavy on Taekwoon’s shoulders like he’s taken on the role of a modern Atlas, sentenced to hold the weight of the world.

It’s not so bad when he’s got his soulmates with him, though.

As much as Sanghyuk is a source of anxiety for Taekwoon, Sanghyuk still keeps him light and refreshed- his youthful energy isn’t annoying like most college students view teenagers. Even if it’s really mostly directed at Hakyeon, Sanghyuk is bright and sunny and giggly and he makes Taekwoon feel warm. Amidst his own stress, Sanghyuk still cracks the silliest of jokes and messes around with Sungjae and Sangwon, who came here to tease Sanghyuk at work only to become disappointed when Sanghyuk wasn’t actually working. It made the weight on Taekwoon’s shoulders a little lighter, a little less. It’s was good. Nice. Taekwoon wants it to be like this all the time. Taekwoon wants Sanghyuk to be like this with _him_ all the time.

It’s beginning to become more difficult for Taekwoon to remind himself that Sanghyuk is just a kid, that he’s a little intimidating in the way that he is and in the way that older kids just are to high school students. He knows, he _knows_ that he needs to be very patient and he will be very patient, but it’s just… hard. Taekwoon wants to baby Sanghyuk in the way that he’d baby the younger sibling he never had, the way he’d baby his nieces and nephews if they were Sanghyuk’s age. There’s so much he wants to do and say, but he can’t in fear of overstepping any boundaries, of making Sanghyuk feel more uneasy around Taekwoon than he already does.

But Taekwoon must be patient, must trust that with time things will be okay. Trust Hakyeon and trust Sanghyuk and trust himself. They wouldn’t be soulmates if they couldn’t push through the worst, right?

***

“So,” Solji stands, pulling Hyojin gently up with her. Their hands are clasped and Soji’s blush reaches high on her cheekbones. She smiles shyly but looks at Hyojin with stars in her eyes. It’s the Friday before spring break, so all of them have decided to go out and relish in the sweet free time of the break while they’re all still there, and before the chaos of the end of the semester begins. It's a little cramped, seated at the only two spare tables they could push together inside the mediocre bar they’ve decided to start their night in, but it isn’t something they aren’t used to, so they make it work.

There’s still a little bit of chatter, Eunkwang and Changsub are notorious for never having their mouths shut at any given moment of time and therefore enabling Minhyuk to be loud as well. “Hey!” Hyojin shouts, not too loud, but loud enough to get the attention of their tables and maybe one or two strangers. Hyojin wasn’t the type to care, though. “We have something to announce!”

Wonkeun gasps softly from beside Hakyeon, quiet enough that Taekwoon can barely hear it, but he's sure Hakyeon and Joohyuk can. “Are they pregnant?” Joohyuk has his head in his hands not too long after, and Hakyeon sighs, rubbing at Wonkeun’s back. 

“ _No_.” Hyojin shoots him a look as Solji giggles behind her hand. Brighter than the sun, Hyojin smiles and Taekwoon feels so much fondness towards her. Perhaps in some other universe, they were just like Solji and Hani. “We’re like! Together.” The table is quiet and Taekwoon almost laughs until he realises that they were serious.

“Um,” he starts, looking at them questioningly. It wasn’t something they had to say, they were so ridiculously greasy with each other that they didn’t need to. Taekwoon wonders if he and Hakyeon were this oblivious when they first met. “We already know… you guys are disgusting!” Solji laughs and Hyojin shoots him a playfully angry look. Hyojin has a blush spreading to her cheeks though, and Taekwoon can tell that Solji makes her giddy and sweet.

“As if you aren’t! If I had to deal with your gross soulmate bullshit then you can deal with my gross normal bullshit!” Taekwoon whines at her and takes a swipe at her legs, but can’t seem to reach her over the stretch of table between them. Hakyeon congratulates them anyways, with something knowing in his eyes and smile. Minhyuk and Hyunsik giggle at them some and Eunkwang and Changsub giggle at them more.

Wonkeun stands then, despite Joohyuk trying to yank him back to his seat by his arm. “Fine!” He pouts, and Joohyuk looks desperate to get Wonkeun to sit while Jisoo just laughs at him. “If we’re going to announce things, then I suppose I’ll finally confirm that yes, Joohyuk and Jisoo and I are all dating.” The table is just as silent as it was when Hyojin spoke, and Joohyuk just shakes his head. Minhyuk, along with the chaotic duo, cannot seem to control their laughter anymore and Hakyeon can’t seem to hold it in for much longer either. They were all so ridiculous together. Taekwoon couldn’t wish for better people to surround himself with.

***  
It’s such a nice evening. There’s a warmth that curls in Taekwoon’s chest, something sleepy and sunny, something that makes flowers bloom in his stomach and kittens nap. Something that resembles how Hakyeon makes him feel.  A song by Celine Dion plays softly throughout his living room, and Taekwoon isn’t quite sure which one it is but he knows his mother would be able to tell by the first note. It’s just a simple playlist Taekwoon has for when he’s dragged to fancy events and weddings by his family, something to brush up his dance skills with. 

Hakyeon asked Taekwoon to teach him how to waltz. It isn’t entirely clear why Hakyeon asked, but Taekwoon suspects that Hakyeon just wanted something calm and grounding in the chaos that is their last semester of their senior year in college. Who is Taekwoon to say no though, to the opportunity to have Hakyeon in his arms? Say no to spending time with his favorite person in the world, with his safe haven?

Fading sunlight filters through the open blinds into Taekwoon’s living room, painting the couch and the floor and the walls and Hakyeon in a gorgeous golden glow. Everything is so warm, even as the sun sets and the coldness that still lingers in the beginnings of spring should be settling into their bones. Warm, warm, warm. Sweet. Their foreheads press together softly and they dance slow. Whatever they’re doing is no longer a waltz or a real dance of any sort. It’s more so just them holding each other and swaying to disgusting love songs. Bouts of affection come and go during the hour or two that he and Hakyeon are like this, tingling under his skin and in his throat. 

Taekwoon wishes that the rest of their soulmates were here, Sanghyuk included. It’s almost as if, if Taekwoon looks close enough, that they want that too. It’s almost as if, if Taekwoon looks close enough, that the three strings on his fingers twitch to the rhythm of the song.

***  
Sweat slips through his lashes and down his forehead, a lone bead falling into his eye, making Taekwoon hiss quietly. The last game of the year hasn’t started yet, but Taekwoon is of the ambitious sort and doesn’t hesitate to go a little harder than his other teammates when warming up. Minhyuk is on his team (he always has been- Taekwoon just never spoke to him before Hakyeon had introduced them) and Taekwoon is thankful- he’s surprisingly passionate about sports for someone so reserved and with this being his last game perhaps forever, it’s nice to have someone who understands. It’s Minhyuk’s last game too. It has Taekwoon very emotional, soccer is a sport he’s been playing competitively since he was fourteen and now he’s not going to be able to. The thought suddenly hit him, and it’s worse than when he had injured his knee freshman year. 

It isn’t something Taekwoon speaks about often, very much doesn’t like to express pain or weakness and it just makes him sad. Taekwoon had gone into college with his eyes on professional soccer, but during a particularly nasty game against Syracuse University, Taekwoon had injured his knee and virtually kissed his dreams of being a professional player goodbye. Yes, he still plays now, but it’s difficult and he has many bad days, days where practice is something that seems so far out of Taekwoon’s reach. 

It’s been a couple of years since his injury and it’s mostly healed, but knee injuries are never something fully recovered from, even after the few months of physical therapy and surgeries needed to make things work semi-smoothly. It just isn’t the same, and Taekwoon is almost constantly reminded of it. There’s a special knee brace that he uses during every practice and game, but sometimes he needs it just for everyday activity. He shouldn’t need that. Taekwoon powers through though, even though Hakyeon and Minhyuk constantly remind him not to push himself too hard. But soccer has been one of the only things to make Taekwoon happy growing up, and he knows they mean well, but they don’t understand and he’ll be damned if he loses the little bit of happiness from his childhood that he has left.

It’s a big game, the last game, and they’re in the first division, surprising because he didn’t think their school was that big or good enough. But this also means they play big schools and big games. Games where they have to travel out of state and tournaments that can reach out of country. Taekwoon is incredibly proud and he loves it, but there’s also a lot of stress that comes with it. Minhyuk and Hakyeon help him through it, nearly had a breakdown before leaving for practice because there’s so much relying on this game, his _last game_ , he could not stress that enough.

Minhyuk jogs towards him as their coach speaks with Minseok and Seokjin, their captain and vice-captain. He’s not sure what they’re discussing but if their coach isn’t speaking to the whole team then it can’t be too important. “You good?”

Taekwoon swallows and nods, reaching for his water to take a sip. Minhyuk was pleasantly sweaty as well and Taekwoon thinks this last game is affecting him more than he lets on.  
“Are you?” He asks because he finds that he wants to. He wants to know how his friends are doing and he wants to help them feel better when they aren’t doing well.

“Yeah!” Minhyuk pats him on the shoulder but smiles at him brightly. “It’s a little sad, yeah. I get you. But it’s also something really nice to look back on, isn’t it? We’re gonna be real actually adults after this so… it’s sort of something that we need to leave behind anyway.” Taekwoon nods as he drinks again.

“Maybe you’re right.” Then their coach calls them back, and it’s time to run through a mock game once more before then need to go to the locker room to properly dress.

When Taekwoon and Minhyuk come out of the locker room, later, after the game, they’re greeted by every single one of their friends going crazy. Everyone. Taekwoon’s limbs still feel jittery and restless with adrenaline and his heart is beating something wild, but he’s so happy. There’s a special kind of rush present in Taekwoon’s veins that only comes with a nasty, dirty game. One where no team member walks away with the same color white shorts as they did when they started the game. Where Taekwoon has dozens of scrapes and bruises, where Taekwoon’s knee is killing him and he can barely see through the sweat and dirt dripping from his hair. They won. _They won._ Someone’s hands are on him and someones shaking him and congratulating him. He isn’t really sure what’s going on but he laughs anyways because it's fun. Everyone’s screaming, excited, and they must feel some sort of adrenaline just from watching the game. It was really close, so close, and everyone’s feeding off of that tense energy.

Things don’t really calm down after the initial few minutes, but Taekwoon can see and feel a little clearer. They’re gathered on the field, not something normally allowed but with something as important as the last game of the season and last game for seniors, friends and family were allowed on the field to celebrate with the team members. Hyungsik is all over Minhyuk and Wonkeun is jabbering right into his ear. Hani and Solji are speaking with Junmyeon and Minseok, and Taekwoon didn’t even know they knew each other. The rest of them seemed to linger, and Taekwoon was too preoccupied with observing that he didn’t notice Hakyeon approaching him. Hakyeon startled him out of his daze with a warm hug and Taekwoon quickly melted into it. There’s a chaste kiss on the side of his head and a whisper of how proud he is before Hakyeon pulls away and Taekwoon pouts, tries to pull Hakyeon back to him but Hakyeon laughs, dancing out of his reach. 

It’s then that Taekwoon realizes that Sanghyuk is there, watching. He didn’t even know Sanghyuk was coming to the game. He certainly didn’t expect him to. Sanghyuk looked shy and out of his element, and Taekwoon knows firsthand that this must be so much more than Sanghyuk is used to. College soccer is plenty different from high school sports, such a similar air to professional soccer that Sanghyuk must be a little overwhelmed. But Sanghyuk was there and he smiles widely when he looks at Taekwoon from where he’s been gazing up into the audience seats. “Taekwoon-hyung!” (Hakyeon’s been teaching Sanghyuk Korean per request, begging because they’re soulmates and he’s going to have to meet Hakyeon’s family eventually. It was sweet, but he isn’t very good at it. ‘Hyung’ is maybe the only word he’s fully grasped so far.)  
“That was so awesome!” Sanghyuk stumbles towards Taekwoon much like an overgrown puppy, wrapping his long arms around him. It seemed like every day Sanghyuk was getting a little bit bigger. Hakyeon was always afraid that their baby was going to become bigger than them. “Ahh, it was so cool to watch!” He’s squeezed tight, and Taekwoon’s too surprised to do much back besides let out a soft gasp. Sanghyuk lets go quickly though, and he seems a little embarrassed, a little shy like he wasn’t sure if that was okay or not. “Now I can talk about my cool soulmate, the best player of the season.” He giggles so freely and Taekwoon can’t help but smile. He wonders if Hakyeon spoke with Sanghyuk, about them. If that’s why Sanghyuk is suddenly so… happy around him. But the look in Hakyeon’s eyes, something apprehending and just as surprised as Taekwoon is, tells Taekwoon differently.

As Taekwoon thinks, lets himself sink into the mire inside his head, just a little, he can feel the universe begin to shift. It’s less tense now, less like the world is completely off track. Nothing is completely right, not yet, but it’s getting there. Under the stars and the bright lights, surrounded by the people he loves and then some, Taekwoon feels a sort of contentment that he hasn’t felt since meeting Sanghyuk in Eunkwang’s coffee shop.

It’s nice.

 

***

Sanghyuk arrives at Taekwoon’s door on a Friday at eleven pm in tears. It was very alarming and upsetting and Taekwoon has never dealt with anything like this before. Normally Hakyeon, ever the empath, would be the one to manage something like this, pull Sanghyuk into his arms and smother him with soft kisses all over his face and sweet whispers like he does to Taekwoon and his nieces and nephews and generally anyone when they’re upset. But Taekwoon is not Hakyeon and Sanghyuk is sobbing in his doorway and Taekwoon knows nothing of what to do besides awkwardly let Sanghyuk inside. Taekwoon’s silent as Sanghyuk sniffles by the couch. Emotions were never something he and his family did and he wasn’t sure how to settle his own emotions, much less someone else’s. Watching Sanghyuk sob is incredibly heart-wrenching, but Taekwoon is Taekwoon and he just _doesn’t know what to do_.

“Um,” Taekwoon stutters, instead of saying something calming and good and useful. “Hakyeon isn’t here.” Hakyeon was at his dorm, had some early morning meeting for the beginnings of what would be his final film project of his senior year, and staying on campus was just more convenient than staying at Taekwoon’s apartment like he normally does on Friday nights. Hakyeon’s normally here at any moment of time though, if he isn’t with Taekwoon somewhere else, so he doesn’t blame Sanghyuk for showing up at his apartment with Hakyeon most likely in mind. But Hakyeon isn’t here and neither is Taekwoon’s right mind, neither is Taekwoon’s ability to relay empathy or compassion. Taekwoon wishes Hakyeon were here. Wishes he could call Hakyeon and have him come over to deal with this because Taekwoon is useless and bad and can’t. He isn’t what Sanghyuk wants. Isn’t what he needs. He needs help that Taekwoon isn’t sure he could ever give. Hakyeon’s asleep though and has to be up early. This is something that Taekwoon will have to fix himself, and he can already feel anxiety bubbling up his spine and into his chest, bouncing around his ribcage and against his sternum, unable to rest.

He feels lost in his mire of a psyche, pulled deep below the dark, murky water, headfirst so his feet can’t stable his body on the muck of the lakebed and upright himself so he can breathe.

Sanghyuk cries harder. Sanghyuk sobs.

“I’m sorry,” Choked whimpers tumble out of Sanghyuk’s mouth as he tries to speak through sobs and gasps, words choppy and harsh. Taekwoon begins to worry that Sanghyuk is going to hyperventilate and pass out. “Taekwoon, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to!” His heart seizes at the words, at the image of Sanghyuk pressing against his eyes with his palms, tears fresh and glistening on his cheeks. He steps closer to Sanghyuk, soft and tentative as if he were trying to come near a scared animal. That's almost what it felt like, anyway.

“What...What happened?” Sanghyuk shakes his head and sucks in a shaky breath, and Taekwoon is once again reminded how _young_ Sanghyuk is. They’re only five years apart but at the ages they are now, there’s something so different in their maturity levels. There’s so much for Sanghyuk to learn and experience. Taekwoon wishes he didn’t have to deal with things like this. Growing up is hard.

“I’m sorry,” Sanghyuk mumbles again, wiping at his tears but never being able to clear them before they’re replaced with fresh, shiny ones.

“Tell me. It’s okay. I won't be upset. It’s okay.” Stood in front of him, Taekwoon looms over Sanghyuk, something more intimidating than anything, so Taekwoon crouches and brushes Sanghyuk’s hair back like he does with children. It's now that he notices Sanghyuk shaking, so he begins to rub his hands over his arms, not to warm him up really, Taekwoon knows he isn’t cold, but just to bring some sort of comfort, grounding. Taekwoon finds taking care of Sanghyuk like this is a little easier when he thinks of it like taking care of a toddler.

“Bad, I did a bad. M’ sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Taekwoon comforts, petting at Sanghyuk’s hair. “You’re a kid. We all make mistakes at sixteen. It’s alright.” Filling in this role isn’t so difficult now, but Sanghyuk lets out a hard sob and his cries start up again, and it knocks Taekwoon off his feet a little bit.

“It was _so bad_ , Taekwoonie. So bad. M’sorry.” Taekwoon’s heart bursts at the sweet nickname, nothing he’s ever heard from Sanghyuk before. But he’s beginning to become inpatient, a trait that Taekwoon has never had, and he just wishes Sanghyuk will speak, tell him what’s wrong.

“I know,” Taekwoon says instead, and tries to think of what Hakyeon would say instead. Hakyeon just knows how to crack people open like seeds and help them bloom. “Hyung’ll help you. You won’t be alone.” It isn’t something he’d normally say, but he knows Hakyeon would and he knows that what Hakyeon would say is what Sanghyuk needs right now.

Sanghyuk looks up at Taekwoon with the softest, saddest puppy eyes, watery and glistening. Taekwoon wishes to hold him. “Promise?” Sanghyuk asks, shaky and frightened. He nods, keeping eye contact with Sanghyuk as he holds his hands gently. His thighs are beginning to hurt from squatting for so long, but Taekwoon doesn’t dare to move. Sanghyuk closes his eyes and breathes deeply as if the air around them would turn into steel in his lungs and stabilize him. 

“Don’t be mad,” Sanghyuk pauses for a second, eyes still squeezed shut. The tears on his eyelashes glimmer as the overhead light catches them. Everything Sanghyuk says next comes out in a rush.

“I went to Hakyeon’s dorm and he was alone and I told him I liked him and I kissed him a-and… and he told me off and kicked me out. I’m sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY YES I KNOW SOCCER SEASON ISNT IN SPRING i just needed.... something to fill the inbetweens with.... n then i remembered that taekwoon played soccer for like his whole life n so..... i had to add that in rly quickly I FORGOT OKAY.. but honestly !! i know nothing abt soccer so can u rly blame me ?? absolutely not !
> 
> normally i have more to say bc im usually gone for a long time LOL but i rly don't have anything to say now that i've updated almost within a semi-reasonable time period ,,,,,, so ,,,, thank u for reading !!! enjoy !!!!

**Author's Note:**

> just a disclaimer -- sanghyuk will not be involved in a romantic relationship in this fic !! i kept the age differences between them the same, making sanghyuk a minor, and a romantic relationship between him and the rest of them would not be okay. however in the future, once he is older, this may change !!   
> anyways !! i hope you guys enjoyed hhh i feel a little out of practise but i worked rly hard !! if you would like to, you may follow my [nsfw & writing twit](http://www.twitter.com/nsfwsanggyun) or my [sfw stan twit (no ship or fic talk tho!)](http://www.twitter.com/sweetsanggyun)


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